When you’re navigating change or even just on the brink of change, confidence feels like a necessary prerequisite. Most people want to feel confident before they do anything. The challenge, however, is that confidence is not a feeling, it is a belief.
It is having enough trust and belief in yourself to know you can handle whatever situations might come your way. Without a strong belief in yourself, you cannot turn your desire for change into action. And confidence is found in the DOING.
It is in the taking of action that your confidence grows. However, there are at least six things that can undermine your confidence during change, keeping you stuck where you no longer want to be.
I believe few things stand in the way of confidence during change as effectively as fear. Fear of failing, fear of what other people would think, and even on some level fear of succeeding can all serve to keep confidence at bay.
Often these fears are not real (even if they feel very real). Instead, they are tied to stories you’ve made up in your mind. I get it. I’ve been there. And actively challenging those false narratives is how I gained the confidence to make some of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life.
The game of comparison is deadly to your confidence. In the comparison game, you overestimate everyone else while underestimating yourself.
And most of the time you are comparing your inside to someone else’s outside forgetting that what you see is never the complete story. If you want to be more confident, you MUST stop playing the comparison game.
This is about all the things you are or aren’t doing that you should or shouldn’t be doing and is closely tied to the “you’re not enough” message too many women are prone to believe.
Guilt will convince you that if you were a better ________ you would _____________ and because you aren’t then you aren’t enough. That not enough message robs you of your confidence every single time.
Negative self-talk is a death sentence to confidence. I once declined a promotion being offered to me. My self-talk had convinced me that I would fail in the new role and be demoted or fired eventually so why bother accepting it. I had zero confidence in my ability to succeed, all because of the negativity flowing between my ears.
Begin paying attention to your thoughts. As you notice the negative ones, make an active decision to reframe them. Choose to replace the negative ones with more positive ones. This is not a one-and-done thing. This will require intentionality on your part and is absolutely necessary if you want more confidence.
This is a confidence killer if there ever was one. Elizabeth Gilbert calls perfectionism an haute couture version of fear and as a recovering perfectionist, I agree.
Perfection keeps us stuck in analysis paralysis and second-guessing ourselves. This increases our self-doubt and lessens our confidence. I wrote a two-part series on releasing perfectionism. You can check our part 1 here and part 2 here.
Other people’s expectations
I once chased a dream I thought I wanted but really it was a dream others wanted for me. It’s hard to be confident pursuing something because it’s what others want for you.
When you allow other people’s expectations to control you, your confidence is derived from how they respond to you. If good, then you feel confident; if they respond badly then you lose your confidence. You essentially give away your power to them.
Building Confidence During Change
You can learn to overcome these obstacles and be more confident, even as you do the hard work of navigating change. This summer I’m hosting a 3-part training series on developing authentic confidence. I believe true confidence is inside-out work.
During this training, I’ll unpack in detail three components I believe are necessary for real confidence: Knowing yourself, liking yourself, and forgiving yourself. We’ll dive deep into each of these throughout the summer. Click here to learn more and to sign-up. I’d love for you to join me.
Here’s to you owning your confidence and rising into your greatness.
From my heart to yours,
P.S: If you’re struggling with confidence and ready to reclaim your power in this area of your life, let’s talk. You can click here to schedule a complimentary call with me. On the call we will look at what it is you want for yourself and what’s been standing in your way. The call is FREE so schedule it today.