Last Monday I woke up in the early morning hours feeling as if I had entered Dante’s 9th circle of hell. My house was HOT! I groggily made my way to the thermostat to turn on the A/C when I realized that even though the unit was off, there was a fan blowing.
I turned on the A/C but the temperature in the house quickly went from 78 to 82 degrees. Something was definitely wrong. In that moment, I was tired, hot, and quickly becoming frustrated.
The unit had been serviced three days earlier and I was told everything looked good. I now had a choice I could get angry with the service guy for breaking my unit, which I’m embarrassed to say was the first thing I thought. Or I could choose a different perspective.
I had recently put my unit under a maintenance contract so I had a number to call to get help. Because I was under a contract, someone called me back fairly quickly and walked me through how to stop the blowing fan until someone could come look at it. It was also a very cool night and opening the windows in the house cooled things down significantly.
As I lay under my open window letting the cool breeze wash over me, I once again realized the power of perspective. I could have focused on the fact that the unit was broken and continued to get frustrated. Or I could focus on the fact that it was a cool night and help was coming to me.
I often say that changing how you feel about yourself begins with choosing your perspective. What you focus on IS what will grow.
Too many women fall into the trap of believing that if they change this thing or do that differently THEN they will miraculously feel as if they are enough.
Their perspective is focused on things outside of themselves and this perspective only further fuels the “not enough” message. There are other things that I believe also adds to the “not enough” fire.
Playing the comparison game is the most toxic thing you can do to your soul. 99.9% of the time when you’re playing this game, you’re comparing your inside to someone else’s outside.
You are taking all the terrible things you “know” to be true about yourself and holding them up against the carefully crafted version someone is putting out there. That’s like comparing oranges to tennis balls. Same shape, different objects entirely.
Comparison fuels the not enough message by causing you to look at all the ways you don’t measure up instead of focusing on the things about you that should be celebrated.
As a recovering perfectionist, I know first hand how much this adds to the not enough fire. For most of my teenage and young adult life, I strove for perfection. When I made a mistake, I would spiral into a terrible place of beating myself up and saying the most awful things about myself. I’m sure I’m not alone in that behavior.
The problem is perfection is not a human option. And if you can remember, as I am learning, that beauty is found in the imperfections then you can begin to get out from under the weight of “I’m not enough”.
Other people’s expectations
When you modify your behavior based on how someone might respond to you, you’re playing right into the not enough messages. You’re also giving your power away to that person.
You’ve given them the right to make you based on their approval and the power to unmake you based on their criticism.
No one should have that kind of power in your life. Allowing other people’s expectations to dictate how you show up creates a “less than” mindset in you. This only further adds to the “not enough” message.
The Enoughness Challenge
I believe the “not enough” messages have done serious damage to the hearts and souls of women, mine included. I want to see us all actively resisting those messages and instead fully embracing how imperfectly wonderful we are ALREADY.
That’s why I’m hosting The Enoughness Challenge. It’s 6 days of uncovering and celebrating all the ways you are already enough in six different areas of your life: at home, at work, in your body, in your relationships, in your creativity, and in the messiness of life.
Several friends are joining me to support you during this FREE challenge. My goal is that by the end you will a toolbox of resources, tips and strategies that you can use when the “not enough” gremlin rears its ugly head.
The fun kicks off on May 18th and I would love for YOU to join me. Click here to get all the details and to get signed up.
Here’s to you owning your enoughness and rising into your greatness.
From my heart to yours,
P.S.: As part of the challenge, I’ll also be doing a training on What To Do When You Forget You Are Enough. The training and the challenge are both FREE. Get signed up today!