I recently had to hold a firm boundary with someone in my life. They were not happy with my choice, and they let me know in no uncertain terms.
There was a time in my life when I might have done what they wanted. But after the changes I’ve made in my life over the last few years, saying yes was not an option.
After I got off the phone, I realized I might now be a villain in that person’s life story. Whatever version of the story they may tell in the future, I will likely be cast in the role of the bad guy.
Every story has a hero and a villain. It’s the battle between the two that makes for some of the best movies and books out there. And everyone wants to be the hero, (well most everyone 😉). Being the villain, especially when you didn’t set out to be one, is a terrible feeling.
Yet, when you decide to do things differently, to rewrite the narrative of how you live your life, some people around you won’t like it. They’ve become accustomed to you behaving one way and when you decide to change, they won’t be happy about it.
Here are few things you can do should you find yourself cast as the villain in someone’s story.
Remember your why
Moments like this require you to remember why you decided to make the change in the first place. Knowing your WHY is always the place you come back to when you or others start to question your choices.
It is important to remember that your why is FOR YOU. It’s not for anyone else to necessarily know or even to understand. Your why is YOUR anchor through the tumultuous sea of change. Knowing your why will help you reset in the moments you find yourself questioning if this is the right thing to do.
Process the guilt
You’ll feel guilty. Even if the other person doesn’t attempt to make you feel guilty, the guilt will still be there. It will feel like you are doing something wrong because it is something new for you. When the guilt shows up, you have to sit with it and reframe what it’s trying to tell you.
For example, you may start thinking I’m a bad friend/family member/employee, etc. for [ fill in the blank with the change you’re making that has upset the other person].
Reframing that story could look like, this change is to help me be a better ____________. They’re mad now and that’s okay. This is still the right decision for me.
The goal in processing the guilt is to remind yourself that doing something different is not the same as doing something wrong. It also reminds you that your decision is the right one for you.
Get support if needed
If needed reach out to your circle of support. When you have been the one to initiate change in your life, having support is critical. These are the people who can remind you of your why when you forget.
They can hold the vision of what you want when you’re tempted to go back. They help bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Your support system is meant for moments like this; don’t hesitate to call on them.
Being made out as the villain is hard. Follow these steps when this happens in your change journey. Don’t let the idea of being the bad guy keep you doing what you KNOW you need to do.
From my heart to yours,
P.S: If you are feeling a little lost trying to find your way forward from the place you don’t want to be let’s talk. This free, no obligation call is a chance for you to get clear about what you really want and figure out how to move forward. Schedule your call today.
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