Moving Through Change – Part 2

In case you missed it, I’m doing a series throughout October unpacking the stages of the Change Cycle. You can read part one here.

Fear. Guilt. Relief. Grief. Excitement. Confusion. Sometimes all in one day.

Welcome to stage two of the change cycle, the EMOTIONS. In this stage, all the feelings come forward demanding to be felt.

Here, your mind, body, and heart all start reacting to the disruption in your life, and they don’t always agree.

That wave of emotions might feel overwhelming. Or like you’re “too much.”

You’re not. You’re human.

Our culture often teaches us to suppress messy or conflicting emotions. But in truth, these feelings are your nervous system’s way of processing a new reality. You’re allowed to feel it all. In fact, I would argue you MUST feel it all. Not feeling them doesn’t make your emotions go away.

Here’s the thing, your emotions are neither bad nor good. They simply are! They have information for you and to access that information you have to feel them. Not fix, not ignore, not bypass, simply feel.

Looking back on my recent journey through the change cycle, I want to focus on three emotions that show up most often in this stage.

Fear, doubt, and grief. 

Fear

Let’s start first with the biggest one, fear. No matter what put you into the change cycle, fear is inevitably going to show up. Fear of the unknown, fear of all that could go wrong, even fear of things going well.

You must face that fear. Running from it will not serve you. Instead you must look your fear in the face.

Here’s why: short of your life being in danger, your fear is pointing you in the direction you need to go. Your fear is your North Star.  Move towards it, not away from it. 

Doubt

Closely tied to fear is doubt. This most often shows up as a lack of confidence. There is an underlying thought that something must be wrong with you. And if you made the choice, there is doubt about whether or not you made the right one.

When doubt shows up, not if but when, you want to sit with your doubts. Listen to what they’re saying to you. Not so you can believe them and wallow in them. Rather, you listen so you can challenge the story they are telling you.

Much of what your doubt is saying to you is not based in any real evidence. It’s a made up story. You listen so you can parse out what’s real versus what is not.

Your doubts also want you to be anywhere but in THIS moment. Keep reminding yourself of what is in front of you today, rather than all that could happen. Stay in the present and remind yourself what is true about YOU, not what someone else’s actions says about you.

 Grief

Finally, there is grief. Whether you made the change or the change happened to you, grief IS going to show up. Anytime there is a change, there is a loss, and when there is a loss, grief will be present.

Make space for your grief. Feel all the things that come up with your grief. Be it sadness, anger, frustration, even joy at the next season of your life. Allow for the tears to come.

For those of us who are not big criers, it’s important to let them come because your tears are actually cleansing. They will provide relief in their own ways; likely not all at once, and it will come with time.

When grief shows up. Don’t judge it, be with it. Be curious about it and allow yourself to move through it. I will say, depending on the circumstances, you may need to get professional support to process your grief. What’s important is that you do process it.

Feel Them All

This is by no means an exhaustive list. These are the big ones. Other feelings will show up. The Feeling Wheel is a useful tool for managing your emotions in this stage of the cycle.

 If you’re in the emotional storm right now, the Moving Through Change guide can help you name where you are and what you need. Click here to download a free copy today. 

And if you find yourself needing additional support, let’s talk. Schedule a complimentary call with me, where we can explore what it will take to move you forward. 

Speaking of exploration, next week, I dive into stage three, the EXPLORATION. Until then, I’m cheering you on as you navigate your way through change.

From my heart to yours,